Egg on my face, dirt on my boot

walk through the forest and trip over a root.

Rain cloud on me and no other soul

While missing a branch I fall in a hole.

Its the kind of day when things don't go right

I comb my hair but its still a fright.

And things get no better however I try

It makes me want to sit down and cry.

But suddenly light shines through the dark air

and birds stop nesting in my hair.

The Sun smiles at me and the day grows bright

and birds sing and my soul takes flight.

And although I stand with my feet on the ground

my heart soars up when Love comes around.

CHORUS (to the tune of “Star Trekking, across the Universe)

Job hunting, across Australia on the good ship Internet under Ozemail

Job hunting, across Australia

Has to be electronic - money won't last if we use snail.

VERSE 1

There's employment on the bulletinboard bulletinboard bulletinboard

There's employment on the bulletinboard

bulletinboard if you log in now.

CHORUS

VERSE 2

Have you done your resume, resume, resume?

Have you done your resume, resume for me?

Yes, I've done my resume, resume, resume.

Yes, I've done my resume, my resume for you.

CHORUS

VERSE 3

Will you put in overtime? Longer hours? just to get this job?

Will you put in overtime and free unpaid work?

I will work overtime, longer hours, but not unpaid,

I will work overtime, but not if you're a jerk.

CHORUS

VERSE 4

I'm afraid there is no room for you, job to do, office with a view,

I'm afraid there is no room for you, if you make a fuss.

If you treat your people bad, make them mad, oh so sad,

Your business will go down the tube and make you one of us:

Sing along with us:

CHORUS

Job hunting, across Australia on the good ship Internet under Ozemail

Job hunting, across Australia

Has to be electronic - money won't last if we use snail.

I am standing here surrounded by fog

But in a circle of sun that shines on a log

Determined never to be just a cog

In the mechanism of life.

There is no wind or rain

Just standing here brings no gain

When the fog lifts I will see the lane

I go down through this life

The Universe pressures me on

Down roads I have not gone

I live here till time has passed along

And Eternity swallows my life

AND: Somewhere slightly to the left of the normal Universe.

“Captain, there is an intruder in Cargo Bay Four.” Worf boomed,  “Sudden materialisation of a rectangular object, roughly two to two point five metres high.  One life sign.  Humanoid, unknown type”

“Security Alert!”  Riker commanded,  “Security detail to Cargo Bay Four.  Mr Worf”  He signaled the Klingon and then spun to face the navigation station,  “Data. With me.”

The three strode quickly to the turbo lift as the Captain straightened his tunic and glanced at the main screen. Deanna Troi stepped up behind him.

“I don’t detect any hostile intent”  She said.

“We’ll see, Counselor,”  Picard nodded. He spoke into the communications system,  “Keep me posted, Number One.”

“Aye, sir.”  Riker replied as he, Data and Worf reached the security team standing outside the cargo bay doors. 

“Open the doors,”  Riker commanded.  The doors slid back and two of the security staff bounced through crouched down with phasers pointed ahead.  Worf and Riker ran in, followed by Data.

They saw a tall, slightly older, slim man with a mass of white, curly hair standing in front of a large, blue box with words in standard Earth English saying “Police Box” and a light rotating on top.  The doors was slightly ajar.  The man stepped forward and every weapon was thrust in his face.

“Oh dear,”  The man said in a precise, English accent,  “I appear to have taken a wrong turning somewhere.  I was heading for one of the more recreational areas of the Orion Nebula. Where am I?”

Riker stepped forward, lowering his weapon and with a slightly bemused expression on his face.

“You are on board the Federation Starship, Enterprise.”  He said,  “I am Commander William Riker.  Who are you?”

“The Enterprise?  Which Federation is that I wonder?”  The tall man looked a little bemused himself.  He brushed idly at his jacket: straightening the ruffles of his shirt.

“The United Federation of Planets.”  Data replied,  “Comprised of a large number of planets including  Earth, Vulcan, Betazed and...”

“That’s enough, Data,”  Riker cut him off sharply.  “I asked who you were.” He queried the stranger again.

“Oh, that Federation.”  The unusual man seemed to ignore the question of his own identity.  He fingered the buttons of his nattily cut jacket.  “I see.  Well, it appears that I have somehow slipped into a slightly parallel Universe.  One that I don’t normally visit.  My apologies.  The Tardis must have snagged a cross - dimensional vortex.  I thought there was some turbulence just before I landed.  I assume and hope that there will be no further consequences due to the rip in the Space-Time Continuum we must have created when we crossed over.  Sorry again.  I’ll just be off, then.”

So saying he turned to step back through the slightly open door of his box.

“Oh,” He said, almost as an afterthought,  “I am usually called The Doctor.”  He nodded and stepped through the door. It closed behind him and a noise like a large engine straining came from within.  There was a momentary shuddering in the air around the box and then it was gone.  A sudden, sharp intake of air filled the vacuum left behind and then they were alone.

“Well, that’s most unusual”  Deanna remarked from the doorway where she had stood after arriving behind the security team.  The bridge personnel stepped out of the cargo bay together, leaving the security team and Worf to sweep the area.  The doors slid closed behind them.  “I wonder what he meant by consequences?”  She continued.

“I do not know, Counselor,”  Data replied.  “I will have to review the whole matter thoroughly.”

Riker grinned slightly,  “He seemed harmless, if somewhat - eccentric.  I wonder where he was from?”  He shrugged and led the way towards the turbo lift.

As they moved up the corridor they suddenly heard the sound of a crackling, electrical discharge and mechanical voices from within the cargo bay braying “Exterminate! Exterminate!”